Dicky Not Slick

Dicks Chasing Chicks, Today

And he’s close. He’ll find me I tell you.

Another text:

”Hey how are you? Why aren’t you answering me. You must really think I’m an asshole.”

Now for the guilt trip.

”I just want to spend some time with you.”

Oh, oh, no. No honey.

The desire is strong inside you… freak.

But you look like a shriveled penis. Didn’t you see the picture I posted because of you?

I spoke to you a minimum of 4 times for 3 minutes each times. Come on.

It’s not that hard. Rocket science. Where?

Pity.

If you know you stalked a girl endlessly and thought you where being charming think again.

Mission Critical?

Head Office

Fat Man you are a looser.

You made me disturb a Colonel just to prove a point.

You made me ask him to write an email just to get you off our backs.

Is this mission critical?  Really.

Why don’t you go somewhere and make some money for the company? Oh, wait that is not your job. Our safety is. Why haven’t you called? Aren’t you worried?

I just wanna throw feces at you.

 

 

Shit Storm

It’s not pleasant, isn’t it? I know.

Dicks Chasing Clicks

Dicks Chasing Chicks

Dick is on the verge of being slapped with an harassment  suit.

The next day after his persistence and my annoyance he found me in my office. Stalker du jour came in and engaged in small talk,  wondering what our plans (I share an office with my boss) where for the day.

Yes, yes I am that naive (not). You chased me all the way to my office and when I barely talked to you, you reciprocate by sending another text asking why I never answer your text.

I. Am. Rolling. My.Eyes.At.You.

Then, hours later I go on Facebook and see you poked me. My name is a secret how the hell did you find me stalker? I am friends with no one on this camp. Meh, campus. Obviously, I am back in high school with nerds following me around.

Today, you sent me a message wondering about my thoughts about Gallo wine, because I asked you if you had any – to which you said it will cost you a lot. Nasty. Alcohol is rare around here. The Americans bombed the border of Pakistan, hence no trucks can come in, so spirits, wine, beer is gold around here.

Anyways, I’m not a kid I don’t get attracted to candy that easily. Cheap phallus trick.

I know you call your ex-girlfriend and harass her when you are drunk. I know you harassed the bartender and she now refuses to serve you drinks.

What? You have cob webs on your penis! Not my job to help you out.

Women don’t want you. Get the drift or get the back hand.

Where is Beige Burka? Can't find her. I'll text her, then phone her, then send her a message on Facebook. If she doesn't respond I'll find her room and show her my knife collection. I'm sure she will love that.

Fat Man

Today

I have already expressed my views on a member of our head office which felt woe and anger over an unattended meeting.

Now, to my utter surprise I have learned that he has not letting this  go. Pride can create the most unnecessary egotistical scars.

He is on a mission to ax my boss and I because 1- he had his phone on during Fat Man’s  safety meeting and  2- I did not attend.  He called the president of the company and named us as douches and dispensable.

Really. We are under attack on a daily basis. Unorganized militia is stopping armored cars and smashing windows. This country is on fire. It’s a shit fest out here and you are the safety officer, you never call, you never inquire on the situation, but you are upset because you feel scorned.

This is why corporations should never hire and give the position of Directors to individuals with special needs and the nearly dead. That’s you Fat Man.

Isn’t it time for you to buy a coffin and roll over? Really. I see a Grim Reaper right next to you.

Sad.

Dicks Chasing Chicks

Dicks Chasing Chicks

I used to date this guy not long ago. I think I was one of the lucky ones, funny, intelligent, my age but of course married.

First time and last time. O.k. Second time, but last time.

Where I live, I am surrounded by contractors. They are mostly ex-military veterans with a collective disorder–old and ugly. Even if they are in my age category their faces don’t match my ass. Desperation and alcohol alone makes one see men differently, but I can still see clearly so don’t try to trap me.

Don’t get me wrong most of them are nice, just not fuckable.

Now that my former lover is gone his friends send me all sorts of invites. I just received a text from his former colleague requesting a  visit (yes) to my room to watch a movie. Why? So you can find an excuse to stay? Hell no!

5 days ago

I have some Hendricks in my room wanna share?

No I’m not attracted to you!

4 days ago

If you ever need anything, please do not hesitated call me Beige Burka. Yes, yes so I can go suck your dirty dick. I get it.

No I’m not attracted to you!

3 days ago

Why don’t you answer my text?

No I’m not attracted to you!

2 days ago

Why don’t you answer my phone calls?

”No I’m not attracted to you!”

1 day ago

Why?Why?Why? Let me buy you a drink.

No I’m not attracted to you!

If you think there are slim pickings in your neighborhood, think again as the armpit of the world attracts all sorts of low grade quality persistent men.

No means no and I’m not attracted to you. Not understanding what I mean the first time is just rude.

Uncategorized

Beige Burka

One of our drivers finally came back to work after an absence of 3 days.  We have two local drivers and they rotate shifts, one called lets say Hashish (he’s always high) comes during the week and the other Purple (I’m sure that’s how sees life) comes over during the week-end.

In the Middle East, the week-end starts on Thursdays and ends on Saturdays. It can take a while to get accustomed, but somehow it starts to make sense when living in this region.

Anyways, Hashish was there on Wednesday when we were under attack and panicked believing our camp was killing – well all Afghans. Not true.

I asked him today if he went out protesting with the masses and he said, ”of course I am one of them. I was  also shouting death to America!”  Why am I not surprised.

He went to pray and then followed the…

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Mr. Muscles Perspective

Quran Rage, Today

I had a brief discussion with Mr. Muscles  today. He had a different perspective than Hashish on the whole protesting situation.

He did not go out to protest as he believes it is pointless. ”Why go up and down the streets to destroy our own country, resolve nothing and go back home exhausted? At the end of the day we are destroying our own country. They burned all the shops selling American products in Bagram, but that is revenue for local people that we have lost.”

He also declared, ”the Americans are in a position to help us economically. The day Afghanistan can stand on its own two feet is the day (if we have issues with them) to fight, but not before.”

Mr. Muscles went to the  Salat al juma and witnessed his Mullah ordering the crowds to protest or self-improvise a Jihad against Americans.

His friend stood up and said, ”Mullah, I have two AK-47 I will go as you requested and fight the Americans. I will go to Bagram and fight them directly, if I give you the second one will you come with me? Will you go and fight for Islam?”

The Mullah surprised retorted,” No, I only tell you what to do I don’t do it.” Hence the reason they went home.

Hmmmm.

 

Cautious Fatalist

Quran Rage, Today

One of our drivers finally came back to work after an absence of 3 days.  We have two local drivers and they rotate shifts, one called lets say Hashish (he’s always high) comes during the week and the other Purple (I’m sure that’s how sees life) comes over during the week-end.

In the Middle East, the week-end starts on Thursdays and ends on Saturdays. It can take a while to get accustomed, but somehow it starts to make sense when living in this region.

Anyways, Hashish was there on Wednesday when we were under attack and panicked believing our camp was killing – well all Afghans. Not true.

I asked him today if he went out protesting with the masses and he said, ”of course I am one of them. I was  also shouting death to America!”  Why am I not surprised.

Death to america

Death to America impersonation as he is wearing a jacket bought by one of my colleagues.

He went to pray and then followed the crowds in the street causing a riot in his village.

I wondered and asked if he would help us if our van would have been stuck in one of the riots with people smashing our windows or flipping our vehicle over.

Blank, long pause.

He slowly said: “Well I wouldn’t hurt you and would tell them that you are not American, but what can I do in a crowd of 3000 angry people.”

“I know. You have gun. Shoot them?”

“No, they are my people I can’t do that.”

“Sure, but you can ask us to bring you a lunch box everyday, buy you shampoo and deodorant, expect us to bring you back presents every time we travel, but you would barely help us in a riot. Whatever.” It reminded me of last year in March when our van was involved in a minor accident and a mob surrounded our vehicle demanding blood money. I called him and passed my phone to the ring leader so he could attempt to let us go peacefully, but instead Hashish told me to give him $200 US dollars. He was  no help in front of the owners of AK-47 (Kalashnikov). I sorted my own problems and gave them nothing. I didn’t have any money with me.

He continued, “ahhhh, it’s not my fault I have to listen to what the Mullah says. Can you bring me my lunch please?”

No word of a lie. I told him just for that I wouldn’t. We don’t have to, we do it out of courtesy and sympathy.

He shrugged, laughed and explained that I can’t understand how sacred the Quran is and the Americans shouldn’t have desecrated it ( he did not use that word).

I reinforced the point that it wasn’t burned because the US hates Islam or Muslims, but because information was  passed to the Talibans through the Quran. Prisoners were using it for ill purposes and perhaps a mistake was made, but it was for the greater good (ish). Using their sacred book to pass information is no better than burning it.

I asked him if he knew that and he said no. He only knew they found burned pieces.

Exactly.

Hashish is the traditional follower who cares about what is and never asks why.  There was a very long pause where I was waiting for an answer, to which he didn’t have one. I believe I got through him a little as I saw him mentally questioning his own actions. He will never admit it.

It’s exhausting to constantly drill thought processing in his mind.

Purple, as dizzy as he is sometimes he questions things. He doesn’t even like religion, but that is a story for  another time.

I’m very sorry two US soldiers died over this debacle, but all of us know the enemy is inside our camps. Trust is irrelevant, living without the constant paranoia of an known Afghan drawing a  blade on you is a choice one has to make.

As for me, I am a cautious fatalist.