Shady Greys

Today

Everything was evolving rapidly, everything except our friendship. It remained the same stagnating rumble of insignificant arguments.  But she was still entertaining and any doubts I had that our friendship could suffer from our different yet same personalities was gone the minute I went into this overdrive adrenaline rush of completing everything prior to my departure.

Although it was annoying not to receive an apology. After all it was clear she had been out-of-bounds for no logical reason, I thought. I replied her a “not to worry shit happens” from her email response.

Zab Email address_Page_1

If I have to be perfectly honest I was proving myself at the same time I was having sex (or starting) with this very tall ex-kickboxing champion, who was a bouncer at work. He was a clear revelation that I had hit rock bottom. Beautiful man, but as dirty as pork he’d never eat. Moroccan man I had flirtatious banter at coat check, where he hung around my side most of the nights. He only had this job on Thursdays til Saturdays and trained the rest of the week.  The first time he brought me to his place I wanted to run back to my car drive home and never speak to him again, which I should have but I didn’t. He had a six-pack so I stayed. Horny makes you stupid. His apartment was shadiest til grey, cause if anything had ever been white it had furled and died in this place. I did it in the mess but it was scary. I’m surprised no boils or herpes miraculously appeared as I was supposed to contract a fatal disease from his bed sheets alone, as I later learned had never been washed either. It was just too filthy. He lived in a studio apartment  bathroom right next to the entrance door where tub was crusted with black and toilet didn’t flushed. His floors had never been washed (he said he didn’t know how), clothes on the floor bed by the window  facing his tiny laminated kinda white kitchen table filled with crumbs and food from yesteryear’s.  Disgusting. It was gloomy, I don’t know how he found the energy to buy the darkest drapes for his ridiculously small windows, which were dusted over with crap. It was the lair of doom after the apocalypse had struck and he was waiting for the zombies to come eat him.

At work he was always so clean, shoes shined, hair clipped and clean,  immaculate suits, clean nails. My whole theory on man changed and I should have figured it out when I had to drive him home all the way to no where land and crossroad to garbage life. I had never met such a guy and I deduced that he was probably on welfare and used that bouncer gig as extra money. He had no other skills and he clearly didn’t have the money to pursue his passion. He had been a champion in Morocco and tried to succeed in North America but  quickly discovered  funding for this sport was scarce and that help or opportunities for immigrants are not as Hollywoodian as they are lead to believe in their country. His rival had gone to Sweden and had risen at an international level.

It was a desolate situation hence the fact I didn’t mind so much about Zab’s comments, because at the moment she was not the worst thing in my life. If I could stick to such a guy who had no potential and was obviously not a kickboxing champion, just a guy with a six-pack who wanted the ladies, leaving far away was clearly a good decision.

When I arrived from my sexual escapade which I swore was the last because as sex was not even that great, I saw something that made me very happy. Finally, a confirmation. My life shades of grey was slowly dissipating itself into clearer skies and bright and luminous horizons.

Emerald Munster_HR Orientation_Page_1Emerald Munster_HR Orientation_Page_2

Speck of an Atom Tirade

The Year, Today

My paper work was progressing at the speed of someone chocking on their own saliva. The whole process was surprising and unexpectantly I jumped in this bandwagon named “get me out of here.” I could have stopped to think for a minute and rationalized on my diverging path, you know like wasn’t I supposed to work in the fashion industry in Hong Kong? But no, I decided it was less effort to just wait and see what happens. I’m a self-inflicted door mat.

I don’t know why I never put my foot down against my flawed vagabond self. This could get me out of some serious trouble (or discernment) if only I listened to the almost non-existent voice of reason hidden in a speck of an atom in my mind. But I didn’t so I went and I sent all y information to Daft For Sure and had less than 10 days to move all my shit, pack my bags, settle my accounts, finalize my taxes and say goodbye to friends for a long while. It seemed impossible but TV  tells you that nice people always prevail. Right?

It was winter, I felt a warm vortex pulling me to another world. A world in the Middle East.

Tirade

Tirade 2

Zab Email address