Cancerous Whores, The Year, Today

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No one was really looking for me. Only her. She needed some more accessories purchased before my departure and it was well too late for that.

I had felt very comfortable in Dubai and was dreading going to Kabul. In my mind, I was plotting reasons to permanently be stationed here. Weighing the tolerable against the repulsive. In short, I was afraid but I couldn’t tell anyone.

It was an I am back moment that could have been whispered into  the wind, as I was not prepared to enjoy it.



Word of the Day: Application

Cancerous Whores, Head Office, The Year

Application Application2

So I had applied. That was one of the dumbest choices I ever made.
In my conversation with Natasha, I had asked if it was a good idea to work together as we had significant spats in the past and I had no intention of ruining a friendship to work in a place where I had lukewarm feelings towards. I didn’t really want to work in Kabul, but it was winter and I was bored.
“Fuck no. You’re so negative. I don’t think so we are way to reasonable for that and plus now that you have pointed it out we will be careful. We won’t have any fucking time for that it’s fucking busy here. Bah, we always recover from our arguments.Fuck yeah.”
I had no idea how this became a convincing argument, but it did. I knew she was impatient, but she was also considerate and extremely generous. The generous part always got her cleared from her obnoxious ignorant comments and meddling ways. Skinny women are not usually as witty or funny as her and you could rarely be bored as conversation always flowed one million miles per hour. No one understood why a person who read so little could speak so much. I saw her flaws but always chose to forgive them as I thought no one is perfect. We went to the same high school, our parents house where in the same neighborhood, we had been on several holidays together, had gotten wasted, had worked for the same companies, had gotten fired together, I listened to her woes and deception with men and witnessed her father’s last breath. There was a long bread crumb zigzagging back to the center of our bond and hearts, too much history together to simply let our friendship extinguish itself because of our bad tempers..
In our younger days, after graduating from college, Zab encouraged me to apply to an internship (and subsequently first job in the tourism industry( with her  airline company. Natasha had not graduated from some random Tourism School (I think she failed a few classes she had to repeat), but skilled and  able as she was, she convinced her teachers to complete her internship first and then finish her studies. She never went back to the school and got hired by the airline. She offered me the internship as the airline had picked up some flights and was scrapping for new employees. I was mostly accepted because Beige is an odd name enough for a colored girl and people never new how to react when they found out I was not white. People (on the hiring side) usually liked me because I was funny and intelligent and seemed like the “exception.”  They liked me and always offered me work.
We lasted in this company for two years until an escapade gone wrong in hot Mexico, obliged us to reside in the sun temporarily. Boy, did our two months binge drinking felt incredibly right. We then followed each other in a race around the world starting with who would work first on a cruise ship.

First, we tried to drive to Florida  but we ran out of gas and money by the time we arrived in New York (we lived in Canadian bordering town) and I’ll admit it I chickened out because as I drove off with my car, my father just like a movie chased us down the road, sped up, turned and blocked our passage with his Malibu. He got out of the car and blasted  Zab  with an arson of vitriol ” how dare you steal our daughter in your stupid pointless adventures,” and drove off. The shock of seeing my father attempt such a bold move, he who was so reserved and kind; transfixed me all the way back home. Eventually, we found our ways to the ships and although we were never assigned to the same vessel we worked for the same company (again).

Then came another time for change. I got hired to work in Afghanistan and she applied to the same agency, but was sent in Bosnia. Years later, here we are again in the same place where we started our careers as professional international drifters. You could say we may have had the same vagabond ways, but we loved adventure. The only difference is I took some time off to get a degree and stop working in the servant industry, I mean service industry. I really despised customer service work after cruise lines and working with incompetent narrow minded military personnel. These bozos tested my patience to the very last insult or phone hang up. I needed a change and a better career choice so I got educated never to return to my past choices.
Ha ha.
Although I had scheduled a flight, actually two flights to Hong Kong the capital of cool and all fashion I sent my resume to Daft For Sure Inc. with a what the heck attitude. “Meh, let’s see if this really happens, it’s not like I never purchase fully refundable airline tickets,” I thought to myself and as always my lack of plan and lust for unexpected events took over.
Three days later after I sent my resume I was scheduled for an interview. I had no idea the chains of captivity would start to wrap itself around my neck, and swallow me whole into a whirlwind of impossibilities to most, but in Kabul are the usual.   But  at the time I said: “What the heck.”


Beige Colorful

Triple Barfs and a Little Fucking Noise.

Cancerous Whores

Boom. Boom. Boom.

“Hello,” I yell through the loud beat of Mon Amour by Jessy Belleval (researched this instant, I hated that song, the Dj’s only skill was that he could press play, every Saturday.) Triple Barf.

♪ ♪

My phone is blinking. Unknown call. Hmm.

“Fuuuuuck. Where have you been?? I’ve been trying to reach you since forever, do you not ever answer your fucking phone? WTF is wrong with you? Like did you not see my email? I mean like hum I’ve got something for you and I’m sure you need it because you have no money and it would be a pleasure to help you out because I know you need to start having a real job and saving some money because you have none.”

 ♪ Je cacherai mes desirs. ♪       Boom.Boom.Boom.

“Euh, I’m working, it’s noisy and I have customers who need to hang their co”

“Anyways, I have to work so don’t really have time to chat but listen they are going to hire someone else in the Travel Department and I think you would be fucking perfect for this job as you have experience and like you’ve already been in Afghanistan and like you have great connections around town and like or otherwise they are going to hire that fucking Bosnian bitch whom tried to frame me in my last fucking  job, who’s contract hasn’t been renewed with ISAF and she really wants to stay in Kabul but we have such a great time I don’t want her to ruin it with her fucking negative energy and she is really fucking mean spirited plus  like she hates me so it wouldn’t be a fucking right fit. Have you heard anything about my sisters? Apparently, Sam is failing one of her classes or her university is on strike I’m not sure what’s happening? So, no like hum…I don’t want that bitch to work with us, she has already submitted her fucking resume and they will hire her as no one has applied for the fucking position. I don’t even think it has been fucking posted but we are only three here and our flight allotment, euh like hmmm, went up from once a fucking week to six I’m working fucking 14 hours per day running the whole show with the checking and guest services, I have no time for myself like I’m fucking exhausted, I’ve been here a month and Daft these fuckers better get their fucking fucking act together now,because I am about to quit. Like Head Office is fucking daft and I can’t understand why the fuck these cunts haven’t figured that out to hire more staff before they fucking launched these extra flights. Fuckers! So?

Another song :  ♪ Vivre loin de toi. Ah, Ah, Ah ♪        Boom. Boom. Boom.

“I, you want me to work with you?”

“Yes, isn’t that what I’ve been fucking saying.”


“What, fucking spit it out I’m in my room ill and I can’ even fucking rest because there is no back up and I’m all fucking alone and we are super fucking busy, but I have the fucking flu so I can barely move and I’m looking at bookings from my room. This is fucking bullshit the program they have for reservation server is in Timbuktu Shitvilles Canada and we are in the Middle East, so it takes forever to upload the information, plus the internet is fucking slow here. We pay these fuckers, these fucking bastards so much fucking money to be here and they can’t even have the fucking decency to have fucking fast internet. WTF.”

“So about me working with you, I was planning on going to Hong Kong and working there. I already made arrangements, so”

“What? You have a job with the fucking Chinese. Does it pay well at least?”

“Well, no I don’t have a job yet”

“Fucking, hell. Why the fuck waste your time with that when you can have a job here. What you’re going to waste money trying to find something crummy and then pay housing with what. You have fucking nothing. This is fucking stupid.”

“OK, maybe I don’t have a plan but”

“Fucking right, this is dumb. Come here first, work with me save some money pay your school debts than go work with your fucking Chinese.”

“You’re a sailor trucker filled with improprieties.  How can a person curse  and be racist as much as you, yet be a fervent Orthodox? I don’t get it. God you have issues.”

“Oh Fuck your face, you know I say what I think. And don’t use his name in vain. Don’t get why people are attracted to Asia, what’s there but sweat shops and rice, plus it’s only good for the food and you can get it at home. Fucked up that you want to go there. No money but travel plans? I’d say you’re the one with issues when I offer you a solution on a silver fucking platter and you like have to think about it. Don’t be a dumb cunt Beige.”

♪ ♪ ♪

Sideshow Whore Flew Straight in a Coucou’s Nest

Cancerous Whores, Today

A couple of months ago I wrote I had a beef with a middle aged woman. I believe I appropriately named her Sideshow Bob.

At the time, way back in September I told my lover that she was crazy. Not only did she have plans to have me thrown out of our compound handcuffed by the Afghan Police, but now I just learned she actually threatened to have me killed. It went all the way to her boss who I’ll quote:

”Pfff, what do you want me to do about two bitches fighting over a white dick!”

I want to make a muffle sound mixed with saisissement but I can’t find anything so I’ll just say: ”Oh!”

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I am mildly insulted because he believed our bar brawl was over a man. Moi! Never! But when a bitch calls you a bitch you have to take a stand. I was also real drunk and my boss prevented my fist from hitting her face, because she is a lawyer. Who cares?

(Anyways, Ronron I told you she was a nutcase, but like all men you diminished the whole situation.)

This death threat revelation came after a close friend asked me how we knew each other as he had heard a story about us two. Our brawl happened last December. I don’t understand why supposedly educated women let themselves become the instrument of clear manipulation by a real joke of a man and then accuses another for all their relationship problems, while the loud mouth jerk tells everyone her levels of insanity and his necessity to get rid of her, but in front of her he plays the nice guy. Sick.

I was sitting at the bar with my co-workers enjoying a fabulous evening celebrating the holiday season. We had a Secret Santa party. A few drinks later we where all having a blast. I was still dressed as Santa, when this cancerous whore in an attempt to sachay (she is so gauche and classless Bob looks like a donkey pooping) herself to the bar she stopped and asked who was in the costume. Someone answered ”Beige Burka,” and she continued with a look of disgust yelling ”that bitch!” It was on.


Fun story: I was the last of my co-workers to engage in a bar fight for year 2011.  I was mocking all of them because since Dec. 9th, all the boys had been involved in a brawl except me. I closed the year with a little violence. They where cracking up.

Colbert (my friend), was a bit surprised I had a semi-friendly relationship with her as she has a terrible reputation off being crazy, needy, drama driven, a player and worst of all an attention seeker. A few girlfriends had warned me against being friends with her, but I always thought people are too judgmental and because a women parties or is promiscuous you can’t associate yourself with them. I do what I want and didn’t listen. I thought she was fun and vivacious until I saw the truth.

You can actually Google her name and see all the sexual harassment lawsuits she has won against innocent men. She uses rape as regularly as her menstrual cycle. No, no she’s too old for that. It pisses me off for those who actually are assaulted and never say a word and|or need justice and never get retribution.

Seriously, who does that? Voices out loud to have someone killed just because you believe she had sex with your man?

You make me wanna use the C word, and I hate that word but I think you deserve it.

My friend works for the UN, different division from her but he avoids any contact with Bob. Her tricks are as sad as any. She has no girlfriends, as she seeks mostly male attention. She gets drunk on Thursday night and drops her top (coz two sips of gin & tonic transforms her into a wild child), uncrosses her legs in a very deliberate Paris Hilton no paparazzi moment for her horny admirers, attracts some poor sucker(s) to her room and the minute their backs are turned she calls security who barges in her room and removes the drunken idiot(s) who have no idea why he’s been removed when he was invited in.

The poor security guy has to explain that every other night she sends frantic text stating there is a man who will not leave her room.

I shake my head in superiority.Quelle bassesse! You are a middle age woman and you still use these cheap tricks. I would think at that age I’d be more mature.

She tried hard with my friend calling him around 2am saying ”I need you, come to my place” or ”come outside to meet me we are having a party.” He did go once and he soon realized she needed him to cock block as she couldn’t get rid of some guy.

He didn’t admit it, but I’m confident that if a man wakes up at 2am to meet another woman it’s probably to fuck, but the cock blocking turned him off and he never bothered with her again. I’m sure that was one of his reasons.

This story only gets worst, but i’m glad the fan club of reason against coucou doesn’t only stop with me.

Oh, one of my co-worker slept with her. Apparently, she loves anal sex, is very loud ( she lives down my corridor) has a couple of big dick dildos and there will be more of her sexual exploit another time. The day I am finished with Bob’s story I will reveal her name so you can all Google her name.

Whatever! Revenge is the only way to move on.



Good Old Jezebel

Cancerous Whores, The Year, Today

I am so glad Martyr is getting drilled right now late in the evening well after 10pm. I was not aware her royal skinniness could last that long and go more than one go.

But with who?

I have a hunch…Anyways, he takes deep breaths while entering her, sounds like he’s out of shape. Our beds are back to back so there is a lot of rebound on my side. She ain’t as quiet as she likes to pretend. Well, well, well I guess sex isn’t as icky when you are the one doing it.

Jezebel is twisted.  If the topic of sex, semen, erotic moments, sleeping with prostitutes, threesomes, or anal sex she becomes squeamish acts as if she is a saint and is royally disgusted by anyone else’s sexual acts. However, she has no problem discussing he prowess on a constant basis and divulging that so and so ‘’fucks like a caveman.’’ The worst part is that she dates cavemen’s, who come up with lines such as ”shut your effer or else I’m gonna punch you in your baby maker!’’

What the hell is that?

I mean, when my lover was here apparently I was noisy (although I am loud) and Miss Madame couldn’t take it. She told everybody at work, passers-by, passengers, random nobody’s and our contractors of my lovemaking. She was rude to Polo (the lover), wouldn’t talk to him.

Oh, they are going at it a third time.

How is she no breaking in half? He is a titan and she has the size of a pencil. How she’s still alive I don’t know.

When I was having sex, she had a fit and screamed I had no consideration for my neighbours as I was noisy, loud and I could at least have sex before 10pm. ‘‘I have a busy schedule and have to wake up early in the morning! My schedule is not like yours Beige Burka.’’  Again, our beds are wall to wall, so both our head boards are connected together. The architect who designed our building is an idiot, why would you want to sleep with a stranger right next to your head

She’s had sex previously with other men, again married and attached men. I have to emphasise because her way of life cannot be criticized, but others who are involved in their love intrigues are immoral.

Now, they are snoring in bliss.  I just burped some vomit.

I never cared, I told her I didn’t have time to think about her while I was having sex and no I’m not going to schedule it around her time table. Funny, when she was dating one of her several Jason’s, not a complaint came out of my mouth at the amount of noise she made and I never discussed her personal life to anyone.

Not anymore. I sent BBM’s to all our co-workers about her ebas amoureux.  My boss said: ‘’who is the unlucky guy?’’ Another ‘’poor guy!!!,’’ and the last one told her ‘’to keep the noise down.’’ No one likes her at work as she is too disruptive and we put up with her because she will harass all with the most insignificant issues.  I am not as evil as you think. Hey, at Christmas my co-worker bought me a drum at her suggestion. I laughed thought it was funny, I got it everyone knew I was a screamer. I even endure the snarky remarks of our contractors- the South African bible worshipers appalled by my lack of decency. These poor Puritans can barely imagine sex in the missionary position, as I bet you they cringe with one eye opened while stroking their crosses under their pillows in repentance. Seriously, all a bunch of Aunt Sanni’s. Pathetic.

Guess what's coming in.

I bought her stress relief bath soap from Body works and ear plugs. She was furious and extremely insulted. Polo, had begged me not to do it as he believed she’d be upset. I thought she’d laugh. I was wrong. A flaccid penis in her ear would have been better. Ha.

You’ll soon find out why we all want to repeat history and commit a corporate defenestration against Jezebel.